When Darkness Overwhelms

(Updated from the original August 2016 post.)

This essay is going to be a departure from my usual lame attempt at a lighthearted tone. This essay is going to be about suicide in the veterinary profession. Statistics are not available for Canada, but in Britain two separate studies found the suicide rate among veterinarians to be four to six times that of the general population and double that of dentists and physicians. The American Centers for Disease Control did a survey of 10,000 veterinarians and found that a shocking one in six had considered suicide. I personally knew two colleagues here in Manitoba who took their own lives, and in 2014, a prominent and very well-liked behaviour specialist killed herself, drawing some media attention to this little-known aspect of the profession.

To the casual outside observer this will be unexpected and possibly even slightly bizarre news. Aren’t veterinarians generally well respected? Isn’t it a secure, interesting and rewarding career? Isn’t it a dream job for so many people? Isn’t it wonderful to heal innocent animals and get paid to play with fluffy kittens? All of that is true. Except the part about the fluffy kittens. Why, then, does darkness overwhelm so many of my colleagues? There are three significant reasons.

The first reason is that veterinary medicine attracts a disproportionate number of idealistic, introspective and sensitive people. Sensitive to the point of neurosis. This is true of all of the health professions, but it is even more so in veterinary medicine. Some of these introspective people are more comfortable around animals than around other people. They do not fully understand that it is actually a people job that happens to involve animals rather than the other way around. Grappling with this reality can be very problematic for some. Add to this the fact that competition to get into veterinary college is extremely high, and success favours perfectionists who can produce high marks. Perfectionism and idealism are fated to be brutally ground down by the chaos of reality in practice. And then their innate sensitivity lays them wide open to the second reason: the inherent and often surprising multi-factorial stress of the job.

Of immediate relevance to sensitive people is the fact that a veterinarian is at times marinated in death and grief. There are weeks — many weeks in fact — where I perform one or more euthanasias each day. Sobbing, crying, wailing, grief-stricken people, some of whom we’ve known for many years, are a routine part of our day. And for those of you who think this is simply a question of overwrought crazy cat ladies or frou-frou poodle people who too much resemble their dogs, I have two things to say to you. The first is that if you have not experienced a deep bond with an animal, then you are missing out on a key human experience, one shared by people from all walks of life, all backgrounds, all levels of intellect. It is one of the richest threads we weave. The second is that you have no more right to judge the grief of someone closely bonded to their pet than a blind man has to judge a photography exhibit. Simply trust me that these are normal people with legitimate and intensely felt grief. Additionally, a veterinarian is expected to be competent across a range of species and a range of disciplines, from dentistry to radiology to dermatology to . . . you name it, wedging the door wide open to so many opportunities to fail. And remember: “sensitive.” Mix sensitivity and failure and see what happens. And I haven’t even mentioned the financial stress of trying to be affordable to clients yet still able to service sometimes enormous debt burdens and meet payroll, etc. Or the stress of being a manager when you went to school to be a vet, not a manager. Or the angry clients. Or the angry spouse, upset because you’re stuck late again.

The third reason is that we know how easy it is. How easy it is to die. Those daily euthanasias are consistently peaceful, painless, quick and reliable. One hundred percent reliable. We know the dose. We know the delivery methods. We have the drug right there. Can you see now why it happens too much?

And to make things worse, this is clearly an iceberg situation, where the suicides are only the visible tip of a massive mental health problem in the profession. According to an exhaustive American Veterinary Medical Association survey, just under a third of all veterinarians have experienced depression at least once since graduation. A smaller Canadian study found that 1 in 10 veterinarians were currently classified as having depression, and another 15% were borderline. Also, a third of veterinarians in that study were suffering from anxiety, and a shocking 47% scored high on measures of emotional exhaustion. Clearly the problems run deep and run wide.

Fortunately, our professional associations are beginning to take notice, and mental health support is increasingly being incorporated into the services they provide. And what can you, the reader, do? You can’t do much about the first and third reasons listed above, but you can definitely do something about the second. If your friend or family member is a veterinarian, do not trivialize their stress. Understand that the real job is far more complex and serious than you imagine. Offer to listen with an open heart. And if you are a client and your veterinarian has done something to make you angry, please recognize their human fallibility and frailty, and try to find a calm and respectful way to address your concerns.

And what about me? Well, fortunately I had a “happy optimist” chip deeply implanted at birth. The zombie apocalypse could roll into town and I would say, “Cool, this will make for some excellent photos!” And, “Maybe brains are better with a bit of smoked paprika?” I have painted a bleak picture when in fact most veterinarians are fine — even better than fine — but burnout is very real, and depression is very real, and, for a small, tragic minority, suicide is very real too. Not only in veterinary medicine, but in society at large, we must work to demolish the stigma that still surrounds mental health. If your leg is broken, everyone wants to talk about it, but if your brain is broken, hardly anyone does. This is wrong, and it is doing so much harm.

This is for Terry and Craig and Sophia.

Snoopy's Magical Digestive System

When I'm in exam room #2 around Christmas I sometimes still think about Dixie Pawluk. I sometimes still think about her even though this was close to twenty years ago, and even though the display of "odd things removed from pets" that we kept in that room appears to have been thrown out, probably by staff tired of being grossed out every time they dusted the jars.

Dixie came in on the first day we were open after Christmas. She was normally a very lively little Cairn terrier - lively even by the peppy standards of the breed - but that day she was quiet. Normally she would run up to me and cock her head with that so, are you giving me a treat? facial expression if I went anywhere near the treat jar, but that day she just lay by Mrs Pawluk's feet and did not look up at me at all. Mrs Pawluk was a widow and none of her children lived in Winnipeg anymore. Apparently she had some friends who she played poker with every Friday night, but otherwise Dixie was by far her best friend and closest companion. She had had a succession of Cairns over the years, but she told me more than once that Dixie was the best of the lot. She often wore sweaters with pictures of Cairns on them. She had a new red one on that day sporting a large tartan applique Cairn.

"So, Dixie's not looking too well today. When did this start?" I asked.

"The day before yesterday, on Christmas Day, she did not want to eat, not even her favourite treat. I thought maybe she just ate too much on Christmas Eve so I didn't really worry, but yesterday it was the same thing." Mrs Pawluk had Parkinson's and her hands were shaking as it was always worse when she was anxious.

"Ok. Has she vomited at all?"

"No, but she does this." Mrs Pawluk mimed a dog opening its mouth open wide, as if to yawn, while stretching her neck out. "There's no sound at first and then a little gag at the end. Do you think something could be stuck in her throat doctor?"

"It's not likely, but it's possible. Did you feed her anything unusual on Christmas Eve?"

I know that a few of my colleagues read this blog and that most of them will immediately recognize my error. Perhaps they're even sticking their arms in the air and saying "oh, oh, oh" like Horshack on Welcome Back Kotter when he knows the answer to a question. In my defense I will remind them that this was a very long time ago and assure them that I definitely learned from my mistake. But back to Dixie.

I was about to ask a few more questions when Dixie stood up and retched a couple times in very much the fashion that Mrs Pawluk described, although the sound at the end was louder, wetter and more violent than I expected. I picked her up and put her on the exam table. Her lungs sounded clear and her belly felt soft and empty, but she had a slight fever. The only other abnormality was that by palpating her windpipe I could get her to cough a little. To allay Mrs Pawluk's worry about something being stuck I opened Dixie's mouth and looked in as far as I could, which was not very far. I put her back on the floor and then sat down on my stool to deliver the verdict.

"I'm pretty sure Dixie has a form of kennel cough. It's unusual for them to go off their food with this, but she has a bit of a fever too so she may have some bacterial complications. It will clear up with time and antibiotics."

"Thank you doctor, I'm so relieved it's nothing more serious!"

Cue ominous music.

I saw Dixie again four days later on New Year's Eve. She still hadn't eaten and she had become increasingly depressed, hardly moving at all now. Mrs Pawluk would have come in sooner, but the weekend had intervened and she wanted to wait for me rather than go to the emergency clinic. Now I was worried too. This was obviously not kennel cough, or any other sort of respiratory infection. We ran blood and took x-rays. One of the nurses grabbed me and said, "Philipp, come and look at this x-ray. There's something weird in there."

Indeed there was. In Dixie's chest, slightly ahead of and above the heart, was a very dense, irregularly shaped object, perhaps half an inch across. It was a piece of bone and it was lodged deep in her esophagus, the tube that leads from the mouth to the stomach. Mrs Pawluk had been right, sort of. Certainly more right than me.

As we were closing for New Year's, and in any case are not set up to provide the overnight care she needed, we transferred Dixie to the emergency clinic. I don't think enough of you are interested in the gory medical details to warrant a complete telling, so I'll summarize what happened next by saying that they ultimately decided to try to remove the bone with a scope. They got the bone, but unfortunately they found a large tear in the lining of the esophagus that could not be repaired. Poor Dixie struggled along for another couple of days, but it was hopeless and Mrs Pawluk had to make the heartbreaking decision to let her go.

A week or two later Mrs Pawluk came in with a thank-you card, that I was not sure I deserved, and to talk. I felt terrible that I had missed the diagnosis initially and she felt terrible that she had fed Dixie pork ribs as a treat. She said that Dixie got rib bones regularly. It was her usual treat for special occasions. She never had a problem before. She had told the truth when I had asked her whether she had given Dixie anything unusual to eat.

Before she left she handed me a small object wrapped in brown paper. It was the bone. I put it in a jar and set it up on the shelf in room two, beside the giant stone that had filled Guido the tiny Pomeranian's entire bladder, and beside the rogue's gallery of pickled parasites. Dixie's bone was there to remind me that I should always ask, "Could she have eaten anything other than dog food?" rather that "Did you feed her something unusual?" It was also there to remind me to tell people that Charles Schultz, bless his soul, did the dog owning public a grave disservice by depicting Snoopy powering through a stack of bones like they were Pringles. But then Snoopy is clearly a magical dog. When your dog starts fighting the Red Barron and decorating Christmas trees we can talk about feeding him bones. Until then, know this: bones can be so dangerous, especially pork and poultry.

To be honest, the bone in the jar was kind of gross, so I understand why it's gone. And I remember these things anyway.

p.s.
Some of you reading this will protest that the dog you had growing up on the farm ate nothing but bones and lived to be 103. Or something like that. This was likely the same dog who never saw a vet, not even once in his unnaturally long life, and the same dog who ran twenty miles through a blizzard to get help when grandpa got his arm stuck in the snowblower. All I can say to you is that I guess they don't make dogs like they used to.

p.p.s.
A small but measurable percentage of you will now have the Welcome Back Kotter theme looping through your brain for the next two days. No, there's really no need to thank me.

Monty's Story

Little gets a veterinarian's attention faster than a person running in the door screaming, "Please help me! My dog collapsed in the parking lot! I think he's dead!!"

One of my colleagues and two of our nurses jumped up and ran out to help. A minute later they came back in carrying a medium sized mixed breed dog on a stretcher. He was not dead. His name was Monty Jacobs and while he was not dead he was clearly in trouble. His breathing was laboured and his gums were pale. Mrs Jacobs was freaking out. My colleague is a very calm person and she was able to reassure her that we would do our best to stabilize Monty and get to the bottom of whatever was going on as quickly as possible. 

Sure enough, 15 minutes later we had a chest xray. The heart looked enormous. 

"Oh no, it's another right atrial hemangio," I said when I was asked to look at it. I was referring to a common cancer that can cause bleeding on the outer surface of the heart. The blood becomes trapped under the pericardium - the membrane that wraps around the heart - which causes the entire heart shadow to appear enlarged on xray.

"Do you have time to do an ultrasound to confirm?" my colleague asked.

"Yeah, I can squeeze it in. Sadly for the dog it's going to be quick as these are really easy to see."

But I was wrong. It was not quick and Monty did not have a bleeding cancer. Monty had dilated cardiomyopathy. Dilated cardi... what? I'll break it down for you. Dilated means what you think it means - stretched out. Cardio means heart, myo means muscle and pathy means disease. Put it all together and you have a disease of the heart muscle causing it to become so weak that it becomes baggy and stretched out.

This made no sense. We only see DCM (the easier to remember abbreviation) in a small handful of specific breeds because it is a genetically determined disease. Monty was maybe terrier, mixed with maybe husky, mixed with maybe German shepherd, mixed with maybe... who knows? A classic "Heinz 57". I was stalling for time by describing some of the less important things on the screen before getting to the inevitable 'why' question when suddenly a little (metaphorical) bell rang inside my head. Bing.

I turned to the owner and asked, "What do you feed Monty?" She named a brand of food I hadn't heard of before and said that it was grain-free. Now I knew.

Last year reports began to bubble up of dogs developing something that looked like DCM but who did not fit the usual breed profile. Individual private practitioners did not detect a pattern because they would only see one or two cases, but cardiologists did see a pattern. All of these dogs had been on "BEG" diets - "boutique", "exotic ingredient" or "grain-free" diets. 

To expand on this a little, by "boutique" we mean relatively small batch foods produced by companies that do not have a certified animal nutritionist on staff and who are not able to do proper scientific feeding trials. "Exotic ingredient" refers to lentils, chick-peas, fava beans, tapioca, alligator, kangaroo, ostrich, pomegranates etc etc. Please know that this is a tiny sample from the list of exotic items that are popping up in pet foods. Unfortunately until this gets figured out everything that was not traditionally fed to dogs needs to be considered "exotic" and viewed with suspicion. "Grain-free" is self explanatory, but read on. 

I know that grain-free diets are enormously popular at the moment, but I have no hesitation in saying that this is a fad built on two fallacies. The first fallacy is that allergies to grains are common. In fact, allergies to grains are quite rare in dogs. Moreover, when there is a grain allergy it is usually to a single type of grain, such as wheat for example, not to all grains. The second fallacy is that dogs are essentially wolves and therefore should not eat grains. Your dog is no more a wolf than you are a Neanderthal (mind you, I'm making an assumption about you). We now know that evolution works much faster than we used to think it did. A lot has changed in their and our biology since those good old wolf and Neanderthal days.

I apologize for the digression. Back to BEG.

Many theories have been put forward as to why some BEG diets are damaging the heart, but as of now (February 2020), nobody knows with absolute certainty yet. Is it the absence of a key nutrient that is in the traditional foods? Is it the presence of too much of something new that was put in to replace the traditional ingredients? The leading theory currently is the latter. There does seem to be an association between high levels of peas, lentils or potatoes and this problem. These have been put in to balance the protein and carbohydrates when the grain is taken out, but may be throwing off the metabolism of specific amino acids.

We expect that only a small number of BEG diets are involved, however that list is growing so we cannot be sure yet that any specific BEG diet is safe. So although there may be many fine diets under the BEG umbrella, at this time we have to recommend that you feed a traditional diet from a well-established company that has a solid footing in nutritional science. Ask your veterinarian for a list of these companies. And please don't panic if you are feeding a BEG diet, this problem is not that common, but you really should talk to your veterinarian about switching. And please don't feel guilty either, many of the BEG diets are particularly good at marketing in a way that appeals to our desire to do the right thing. 

There are good drugs for DCM and most patients can be stabilized if it is caught early enough, but the terrible thing is that there can be no warning signs. Monty had just been a little weaker for a few days prior to the collapse and had been breathing a little harder. This is typical. We expect that by changing his diet we can stop further heart damage from occurring and we hope that maybe even some of the damage can be reversed. 

I have seen a few dozen more cases since Monty. Two tragically didn't survive, but Monty is doing ok. And he likes the new food.